Insanity

What's stressing you Mama? I'm all ears.

I hit the skids last night. For reals. I finally hit that point where I knew the choice was figure out some real changes or reach my breaking point. They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If that's the real definition then I'm certifiable. Grab me a straight jacket and lock me up.

I've been running the same work/life balance plan since I started my new job in February. In retrospect, it wasn't much of a plan. I just threw a full-time job on top of the two I already had: taking care of Alexa and running our household. I kept thinking it would get easier. Instead, it got harder. I got more tired. I got more frustrated. I kept saying to myself, "it will be better next week. I can figure this out."

The problem is, I'm the most simple complex person you'll ever meet. I've always got all kinds of complex madness and crazy ideas running through my head. But the simple truth is, there is a very straightforward formula that keeps me happy. I need to spend time with my family. I need to eat healthy food. I need to live in a clean house. I need to feel good about how I look. That's it. That's my formula.

So, I had the epiphany today that I don't have all the ingredients to mix up my magic formula on my own now that we have the bambino. I can NOT do this all myself. (And by myself I mean with the amazing support and help from Picard. He does quite a bit around here too, but his butt is dragging as low as mine is right now.) I.....WE.... need some help. I had two major mental barriers to get over:

1. I AM a mom - I've been trying so hard not to look like a schleppy mommy mom, that I've been actually making it harder on myself. I've come to the harsh reality that I am going to have to figure out some appearance short cuts to keep myself looking decent and thus keep myself happy. Getting frustrated every day because I don't have the time I need to get ready for the day wasn't helping. Rather than trying to cram my old schedule into my new life, today I put the wheels in motion to do things differently.

2. I DO live in Indiana - Hired help is not a popular concept in Indiana. I had a hard enough time telling people I have a nanny. Today I signed up for organic produce delivery and asked an old friend if she could help clean the house for some money on the side. I'm working on being proud of my choices.

Pssst! Thanks for listening. Momma feels better already!

I feel like I'm making a big breakthrough here. At the same time, I really feel like I'm admitting to a lot of weakness. I wish I was a person who could fuel up on Big Macs, sleep five hours a night and still resemble a living breathing human being. But I can't change that part of who I am. Every time I try I hit the wall with a big, hard thud. Let's hope that today I'm making the right choices to STEP AWAY from the insanity.