Summaries & Conclusions

A lot of you know that I took some time off work this week to rest, recuperate and reflect. I needed the time because I had this mounting feeling of restlessness, without a clear idea of why I felt this way or how to resolve it. Well, I spent an entire week living inside my head and dutifully writing in my journal to come to this magnificent conclusion: I'm ready to have a baby in my life right now. Now, you may be saying "Miss Dior, truly, it took you a week to figure this out?" It may seem completely obvious to all of those who love and surround me, but it was a bit of shock to me. Allow me to explain.

For the first 26 years of my life I was the girl who never wanted kids. I would adamantly tell people that children would not be part of me and Picard's life. I didn't just say it to keep people from bugging me about having kids either. I really meant it. I even have a plaque from a previous place of employment that mockingly describes my greatest life's work as "working with children." I truly felt to my core that I did not want to have children and I was vocal about it.

Fast forward to age 30 and the woman who didn't want children has now become the woman who is completely absorbed by the idea of having a child. I'm ready for laughing, crying, playing in the park, bath time, bedtime, tantrums, toys, messes and loving a little person in ways I can only imagine possible. My heart aches for these moments. So, the surprise really isn't that I feel this way, it's how strongly I feel and how big of a departure this feeling is from the way I've felt the rest of my life.

Now that I'm ready for this major change, it feels like a mockery of my soul that life keeps going on the same day after day without this little person to love being here. So, my relentless overdrive to change something in my life NOW, right this moment, is stemming from the fact that the real change I would like to happen isn't slated in my life's destiny at this moment. I'm working on a short list of things I can actively do to keep from upending my life in order to handle the emotional dissonance I feel deep in my heart.

That said, I did some other cool stuff this week like shopping for a fall wardrobe and visiting family. See, some things never change and that's o.k. with me too. Here are pictures of some hot new shoes and my nephews birthday party.

Think if I click these bad boys three times I can transport myself to China?

My nephew, blowing out his birthday candles. (The cake is a Ninny Fabulous creation.) Gives me hope that time can go by quickly because OMG, he's 10 already!

My cutie pie niece loving on a piece of chocolate cake.